the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Randomize
