Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
