So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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