Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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