What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
