she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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