i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
