Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
