The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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