I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
