why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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