Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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