just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
