Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
