Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
