my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
