They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
They took my balls.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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