You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
