I think i peed on brittanys purse
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
