I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
