Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
