He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
