Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
