I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
