I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
