It's Friday. Sex?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
