Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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