Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
