I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
