Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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