Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
What happened to fro yo and sex?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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