Umm I'm too high to move.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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