Rock
Scissors
Fuck
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
