when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
