Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize