I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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