he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You were trust falling into bushes
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
