Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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