He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
