I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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