Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
