Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
