Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
