I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Non-Jews are for practice
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
