he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
