it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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