Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
