just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
