Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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