At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
