I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
