Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
