were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize