I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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