Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
