I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
