Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
