Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
