I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Moan for me like Helen Keller
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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