Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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