my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I deserve this hangover.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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