got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
