why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
