Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
