ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
