I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize