Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
