maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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