I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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