You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
