Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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