I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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