And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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