her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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